Boto Mo, Ipa-Troll Mo 2009

First, let me tell you a true story: you are living in a third-world piece of shit country that has been overcome with cancer and AIDS. It has a very low amount of valuable natural resources and there is very little hope that it will ever recover its once precious glow.

OK, now that that's out of the way, let me proceed with the trolling the revelation I had the other day which I wanted to share with you, in hopes that it will enlighten you poor fucks before it becomes too late. You need to pay attention, now.

There's this myth that local TV station ABS-CBN is trying to propagate in time for the 2010 elections in the Philippines. They're calling for all Filipinos, young and old, to grab their cellphones and log on to their computers to contribute to the outcome of the upcoming elections. Through their daily news program TV Patrol, ABS-CBN is urging Filipinos to count their votes (and make their votes count) with the use of modern technology, et cetera, et cetera.

I'm sure you've heard of it. Their campaign is called "BOTO MO, IPATROL MO" and they talk about it numerous times each day, even outside of their news program TV Patrol.

"But wait," I thought to myself when I first heard it on television recently. "TV Patrol... something doesn't sound right."

So I grabbed a pen and pad and carefully wrote down what I had in mind, unprepared for the shocking discovery I was about to make.

- "TV Patrol"
- "TV Pa-trol"
- "TV Pa-troll"
- "TV Pa-troll"
- troll...

MIND=BLOWN

"Cannot unsee," I said to myself. But then I realized that I had already known this long ago, literally more than 5 years ago when I stopped watching TV altogether.

If you believe anything that you hear about this "BOTO MO, IPATROL MO" propaganda from TV Patrol, then you have been successfully and quite elaborately trolled, my good friend. In lay speak, you have been made a fool of. They do not care about the elections. They do not care about the country. They do not care about your votes. And they certainly do not care about you. They do not care about anything at all, actually, except high ratings and profit, which keeps them afloat and able to troll more people, more and more with each passing day.

So go ahead, if you want to get trolled, send in your text messages by keying in "IREPORT_SPACE_YOURMESSAGE" and send to 2366. Send in an e-mail to ireport@abs-cbn.com. Log on to abs-cbn.com. "Do it for the country." Ugh.

Otherwise, if you truly give a flying fuck about what goes on around you everyday, turn off your damn television and go out more. See more people. Learn new things (like how to access information with tuning in to regurgitated boring news stories everyday on TV). Do not believe everything you see and hear on the television. It has become a cesspool of Filipino failure.

Going back to TV Patrol and ABS-CBN, let me ask you this: Do you seriously want to jump in on a bandwagon started by the same entities who show you lousy and often corny Koreanovelas each day, for several hours straight, only pausing for breaks sponsored by power-hungry politicians? For fuck's sake, they don't even show any original shows anymore. All ABS-CBN airs are shitty telenovelas, and what's more, they're all remakes which have already been fucking shown before! "It's like I'm really watching Voltes V!"

Come on, and it's not like their so-called "talents" have any sort of talent at all. ABS-CBN is a container for pure, concentrated, unadulterated squatter's area shit. Just look at WoWoWee. WoWoWee is a show about absolutely nothing in particular, has no educational value, very low entertainment value, and worst of all, its host is a goddamn pervert. WoWoWee has actually convinced people that lining up in the middle of Mother Ignacia Avenue under the blazing heat is the way from rags to riches. Way to encourage indolence, Willie.

What else does ABS-CBN have to offer? Umm...

Consider this: From 4:30 AM - 11:00 PM every day, ABS-CBN offers nothing but a pointless morning program, a few worthless animated programs, a game show for self-proclaimed "know-it-alls" who are actually college dropouts, an overrated variety show with overpaid talentless idiots (WoWoWee/ASAP '09), one old and boring movie, Coreanovelas, more worthless animated programs, fake news, more Coreanovelas, "drama" shows, and finally, a scripted "reality" show (PBB/PDA).

And then, just like those who blindly follow Christian faith, ABS-CBN thinks that by showing a 1-hour program about "doing the right thing" can magically cleanse them from the filth which they bathed themselves in earlier in the day.

tl;dr
Worthless, non-entertaining, non-educational shit = 18.5 hours
Actually useful advice and information = 1 - 2 hours

You tell me if this is right or wrong, and if you still think they are sincere with what they are trying to do with this BOTO MO, IPATROL MO bullshit.

If you ask me, the best thing to do would be to not give a shit about the upcoming elections. Do not register if you haven't already registered. Do not go out to cast a vote during the election dates. Do not participate in any sort of movement just like the one ABS-CBN is promoting. Do not get involved. Boycott everything. Everything is up to you.

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A Tribute to "People's Champ" Manny Pacquiao

Yesterday, I saw how a gentleman from General Santos City pummeled the life out of his boxing opponent in just under two rounds and became the world's new junior welterweight champion, easy. This gentleman, of course, is none other than boxing legend Manny Pacquiao, who is hailed by many as the People's Champ and is also called the Pambansang Kamao here in the Philippines. I have no doubt in my mind that he inspires many Filipinos. Perhaps even more than the $2.75 million that he earns every minute. I enjoyed watching the fight (if you can consider six minutes of one man hitting the other every 5 seconds or so in the face to be a fair fight), and I am proud for Manny's victory, but the mind cannot help but wonder... is it really worth all the hype?

Let's consider the pros of Manny's fight and victory:

- Less crime (everybody, even those who would normally be out doing evil deeds, were staying at home just to watch the fight--the streets were literally ghost towns and therefore, safe)

- Source of inspiration (in this day and age, it's hard to find someone you can look up to, someone who came from humble beginnings and literally worked his way up to fame and fortune that would inspire you to do exactly the same with your life)

- National Pride (starting today, for the next five days, you're going to be seeing a lot of people wearing shirts printed with Manny's face, name, or the Philippine flag, and a lot of people will be saying "pinoy pride", "proud to be pinoy", and "proudly filipino" etc at every chance they get)

I'm sure there are more, but at the moment, these are all of the pros that I can think of. So, it seems that Manny's boxing career brings many good things to the Philippines and the Filipino people. When he comes back, he's going to go on a motorcade around Metro Manila and General Santos City, shaking the hands of supporters and fans and giving away money, making even more people happy.

Congratulations, Manny. You are truly worthy of your titles, and you have rightfully earned my respect.

However, as I have shown earlier, I'm having doubts as to whether Pacquiao is really worth all the attention he's getting. Inside the ring, he's a formidable foe. The world's #1 pound for pound boxer, "Pacman the Destroyer". He's a force to be reckoned with, but he's just a boxer, and I can't help but feel disappointed in the Filipino for devoting so much fanaticism on yet another false idol.

I have even heard talks of Manny running for President someday, and there are already a few supporters. Just hours ago I found a forum thread on the Internet with people talking about replacing me in the history books as the country's national hero because Manny Pacquiao is such a great "hero." Yes, that's how much the public actually believes in him now. Manny Pacquiao for President and Jose Rizal's replacement as national hero.

But tell me, am I the only one who thinks there's something wrong here? Surely, you who were not shot to death in the open space of Bagumbayan will know that this Pacquiao-mania is turning more and more into a mass madness as the days go by. Until when are you going to let things be like this?

How many of you even know my birthday? Or the day when Noli Me Tangere came out? Do you celebrate the country's Independence Day anymore? When was the last time you visited my monument at the Luneta Park? Are you telling the truth?

All I'm saying is, don't forget your roots. Learn the difference between a hero and a celebrity. For all I know, a new holiday may be declared just to celebrate how awesome Manny is, while my day, the day that's supposed to be spent celebrating how awesome I am, gets overshadowed, or worse, forgotten.

Manny Pacquiao is not a hero. He's just a boxer who's trying to make money. He's a great boxer, but in the end, he's still just a boxer.

I'm the national hero. There's a difference.

/PHOTO/

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You are so not ready for this

Whatever you think you've learned during elementary, high school, or college about me, I suggest you take all of it now, roll it up into one big ball and just throw it out the window. I am not the Jose Rizal that you think you know--I'm from an entirely new generation.

If you thought I was just going to stay down after being shot by a firing squad in broad daylight at Bagumbayan, well, then you thought wrong.

Prepare yourself for the onslaught of my writings criticizing your weakness, stupidity, and lack of sense of humor, among other negative traits of yours that fail to impress me.

Prepare for my coming. Prepare for a hero.

Philippines, you are about to get told.

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